CLOSED DOOR

The house is full of life,
the sound of happy talk and laughter.
I feel too nervous to join them,
they don’t care if I’m there.
I close the door
to close out the screams of life

I sometimes want to disappear,
rot away from view and not leave a trace.
I morph in my pity in my silence,
not for attention, but alienation.
It’s worth a try, I’ve nothing to lose,
to find self esteem in self-abuse.